Playmates exec #1: (bursts into office) I never got to tell you the fourth Wacky Wild West Turtle!
Playmates exec #2: (silence)
Playmates exec #1: Are you ready for it?
Playmates exec #2: (silence)
Playmates exec #1: I saved it for last because I wasn’t sure you’d like it.
Playmates exec #2: (silence)
Playmates exec #1: Chief Leo!
Playmates exec #2: (long silence)
Playmates exec #1: Whew! Okay, let me read you the official bio because I’m really pleased with myself for this. (clears throat) “Those smoke signals mean war when Chief Leo hits the wild frontier. He’s not a Cherokee or Apache; this Mutant maverick is in a tribe all by himself – the Turtle Tribe! And Chief Leo’s got all the Native American instruments to make him a traditional wild west warrior. Don’t sneeze at his feathery ceremonial headdress or he’ll skewer you on his sewer spear. Watch the paleface Foot run for cover when Chief Leo pulls his fiery arrows from his quasi quiver.” What do you think so far?
Playmates exec #2: (silence)
Playmates exec #1: So, what do you think? Any notes?
Playmates exec #2: (silence)
Playmates exec #1: I’m shocked, Phil. I thought for sure you’d find something to object to.
Playmates exec #2: (silence)
Playmates exec #1: Phil? … Phil?
Playmates exec #1: (realizes he’s been talking to an empty chair in an empty office, and exits) Phil? Anyone? Hello?
Playmates exec #1: (wandering the halls) Where is everybody? And why are all the lights off?
Playmates exec #1: (he searches the entire office) Am I all alone? Oh, wait. Duh, it must be Saturday! I must have accidentally come in on the weekend. Phil doesn’t even work here anymore.
Playmates exec #1: (calls the elevator) Glad no one was here to see me. That would’ve been embarrassing.
Playmates exec #1: (10 minutes pass, the elevator does not come) Stairs it is, I guess.
Playmates exec #1: (tries to open door to stairs, but it is barred from the other side) That’s weird. And I bet it’s a fire hazard, too.
Playmates exec #1: (Dave starts checking the various emergency doors with increasing speed and fear; none of them will open. He tries to open the windows but discovers they’ve all been sealed shut. He starts trying to break the window glass, but even heavy furniture bounces harmlessly.) Oh my god. Oh my god! I’m trapped!
Playmates exec #1: (calming himself) Wait. Breathe, Dave. Breathe. People will be in on Monday. They’ll come back to work. It’ll be fine. Just got to hang here out for a couple of days. No big deal. I should just go to my office and try and get some work done for a while.
(Three weeks later)
(Phil has collapsed into a corner, emaciated almost to the point of being unrecognizable. The water cooler has been overturned and is empty. Three turned-over pots lie on the ground with soil strewn around them, indicating Dave has been eating the office plants for sustenance… and they’re long gone.)
Playmates exec #1: I’m dying, Phil.
(silence)
Playmates exec #1: It’s my own fault. I know what I did, and it was wrong.
(silence)
Playmates exec #1: Racist stereotypes have no business in children’s toys, even if those stereotypes are applied to anthropomorphic animals with martial arts skills…
(silence)
Playmates exec #1: This is what I deserve. I accept it
(silence)
Playmates exec #1: (coughs weakly)
(silence)
Playmates exec #1: I only thank God I never finished those Civil War Turtles designs.
(silence)
Playmates exec #1: (exhales slowly, finally, and passes on)
(screen fades to black)
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