A very serious ranking of all your ‘Bridgerton’ crushes

There is no shame in having binged all of the delicious Bridgerton in a day, nor in rewatching it multiple times in the days that followed. Netflix and Shondaland’s adaptation of Julia Quinn’s novels is all about coupling, and if you’re anything like us you might have developed more than a few crushes while finishing the season. 

Let us now lean back in repose like the Queen herself and rank the many eligible crushes of Bridgerton Season 1 (and some stinkers).

27. Lord Berbrooke

Pros: none. status I guess
Cons: everything

26. Cressida Cowper

Pros: adaptable, fights for what she wants
Cons: history of blackmail

25. Marina Thompson

Pros: New in town
Cons: generally unpleasant to everyone who isn’t her love George

24. Madame Genevieve Delacroix

Pros: fReNcH…maybe
Cons: a lil’ messy, and possibly lying about her name/origin/entire life story

23. Philippa and Prudence Featherington

Pros: Eager
Cons: lacking in personality to the point where they share a spot on this list

22. Lady Featherington

Pros: fiercely protective mother
Cons: beyond obsessed with appearances, seemed ready to let Marina die to avoid further scandal

21. Lord Featherington

Pros: Loves his family, one of the only people on this show unwilling to force a girl into marriage
Cons: rampant gambler, missing and possibly dead

20. Daphne Bridgerton

Pros: shiny
Cons: tricked her husband into nonconsensual procreation

19. Mrs. Varley

Pros: Loyal
Cons: Loyal to Lady Featherington

18. Anthony Bridgerton

Pros: deeply angry in a way that will prove beneficial during sex
Cons: cares about a woman’s honor unless he’s sleeping with her
[Editor’s note: Anthony is ranked too low on this list!!]

17. Simon Basset

Pros: see above image
Cons: can’t communicate a simple thought, obsessed with spiting his dead father, a rake

16. Benedict Bridgerton

Pros: the most sexually liberated among the main families
Cons: thinks he’s straight 🙁

15. Penelope Featherington

Pros: Kind, funny
Cons: Petty af, will write articles that call you out by name

14. Prince Friederich

Pros: “kind, adoring…knows what he wants,” in Daphne’s own words!
Cons: is not Simon

13. Siena Rosso

Pros: strong, independent, sexy
Cons: strong chance of relapsing with ex multiple times before you guys can start anything

12. Henry Granville

Pros: Suave as heck, artistic, friendly
Cons: in love with Lord Wetherby (also married to Lucy but that doesn’t appear to be a concern)

11. Queen Charlotte

Pros: QUEEN
Cons: probably hates you

10. Lady Bridgerton

Pros: super single, definitely fucks
Cons: still in love w dead husband, occasionally drinks too much (but seemingly in a fun way)

9. Siena’s beau

Pros: loves a woman without titles, which is bRaVe
Cons: didn’t realize his gf was banging Lord Bridgerton under the bleachers like dude we literally all saw it coming

8. Mr. Finch

Pros: immune to fads, loves cheese
Cons: loves cheese too much?

7. Lady Whistledown’s voice

Pros: sassy, soothing
Cons: lacks corporeal form

6. Colin Bridgerton

Pros: total sweetheart with a lovely voice
Cons: he dumb

5. Eloise Bridgerton

Pros: smart, funny, allergic to pomp and bullshit
Cons: being someone’s crush is her literal nightmare

4. Will Mondrich

Pros: Cares about family above all else (but without the chip on Anthony’s shoulder)
Cons: just the one time he threw a fight to get paid by Lord Featherington. An act of love!

3. Alice Mondrich

Pros: Patient af
Cons: We haven’t been able to spend much time with Alice yet and we’d love to know her better.

2. Lady Danbury

Pros: delights in scandal and socializing even if it’s focused on the young
Cons: will call you on your bullshit but ultimately for the best

1. Sir Phillip Crane

Pros: loyal brother, willing to provide
Cons: MARRIED ugh screw this show

Bridgerton is now streaming on Netflix.

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