There are more references online to Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, as “sexy” than there are for any other bald public figure. He is therefore, according to the internet, the world’s sexiest bald man.
Well. The internet begs to differ.
The source of this “study” is cosmetic surgery specialists at Longevita, according to a report in the rather notorious U.K. tabloid, The Sun (h/t The Independent). The report notes that William has been described as “sexy” in 17.6 million “blogs, reports, and pages found in Google searches,” putting him far ahead of second- and third-place contenders Mike Tyson (8.8 million) and Jason Statham (7.4 million).
Before you take issue with the study’s source or methodology, know that I’m not here to validate its accuracy. I’m more focused on the response across social media, which seems to suggest that at least some of the “sexy” beefing up that 17.6 million figure is maybe not to be taken literally.
Or, to put things another way, the internet has plenty of thoughts about sexy bald men. Plenty. The Duke of Cambridge is just not apparently on anyone’s list. That’s not meant to be read as a comment on William’s looks; it’s really about the greater thirst that seems to exist for other bald men.
Take the Stanley Tucci stans. The Tucci Gang, as it were.
stanley tucci did not make a negroni for this disrespect
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) March 27, 2021
OK, confession: I only singled out Tucci so I could link to that Saturday Night Live sketch. But in general, the people of Twitter have risen up to decry the injustice of their preferred bald hottie not getting the respect he deserves.
I cannot believe people are still debating who the sexiest bald man is when M@rk Str0ng is OUT THERE LOOKING LIKE THIS pic.twitter.com/S0FGNpqQHh
— reb 💞 the frankworth renaissance ❣️ reverse bang (@got_kozier) March 27, 2021
Honestly, kudos to Jezebel for having the best headline of the day.
But it’s Acknowledged Sexy Bald Man Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson who stepped up with the best tweet.
Just another Saturday on the internet. We’re all tired. It’s been a long, sickly year of dealing with a pandemic. We didn’t wake up, sit down at the computer, and open social media to simply accept the implication that there’s more online thirst for Prince William than there is for Tucci, Statham, Stewart, Moore, Strong, The Rock, and, apparently, Larry David.