A decade ago, when Courtney Stodden was just a teenager, Chrissy Teigen viciously bullied Stodden on Twitter.
Many of Teigen’s replies to Stodden’s tweets were mocking and cruel, asking whether the teen, who’d become famous for marrying 50-year-old acting coach Doug Hutchinson with parental consent, did drugs or had a family. But at times, Teigen went to an even darker place, wishing Stodden dead.
“my Friday fantasy: you. dirt nap. mmmmmm baby,” Teigen wrote in October 2011, in a now-deleted tweet. Two months later, she replied to Stodden: “go. to. sleep. forever.” In an interview with the Daily Beast, Stodden said Teigen sent them direct messages urging them to die by suicide. (Stodden identifies as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns.)
While Stodden hasn’t released screenshots of the direct messages, so their existence can’t be confirmed, Teigen didn’t dispute them in an apology she made Wednesday. “I’m mortified and sad at who I used to be,” the model, television host, and cookbook author wrote.
The controversy may slip from the news cycle … soon, but it offers an important lesson in suicide prevention that shouldn’t be forgotten.
The controversy may slip from the news cycle and public memory soon, but it offers an important lesson in suicide prevention that shouldn’t be forgotten.
Telling someone to die, even if it’s borne of trollish insecurity and not a sincere wish, can influence the victim’s suicide risk. The tweets also prove that someone like Teigen, who has since appeared capable of deep empathy by supporting causes like reuniting immigrant families separated at the border and aiding racial justice protesters, can actually inflict unspeakable pain on someone who’s clearly vulnerable.
Stodden, who divorced Hutchinson last year, told the Daily Beast that the relationship became emotionally and psychologically abusive, and that she contemplated and made plans to die by suicide several times. Though suicide is never the result of a single factor or incident, Stodden described the media attention and scorn that accompanied her relationship, and being harassed by celebrities like Teigen.
“People came out of the woodwork to beat up on a kid because she was in a situation that she shouldn’t have been in,” Stodden said. “There were a lot of celebrities acting like playground bullies.”
Teigen, who was in her mid-20s a decade ago, simply should’ve known better than to attack Stodden. What’s more troubling, however, is the ease with which she wished Stodden dead. It’s possible that she felt license to be so callous because, at the time, there was less awareness about suicide risk and prevention and greater acceptance of making a punchline out of Stodden. Teigen may have derived entertainment out of it for herself or thought it’d engage followers who wanted to pile on Stodden.
While we may never know why Teigen, an adult at the time, was once comfortable with such verbal attacks, they may be more widespread among adolescents than expected. Dr. Julie Cerel, a clinical psychologist and director of the Suicide Prevention and Exposure Lab at the University of Kentucky, said that teens telling a peer to die or kill themselves is often a factor in cases where a young person has been bullied and attempts suicide.
“They don’t really wish each other dead, they just want to hurt them a little because they’re feeling hurt or they’re feeling distress,” says Cerel, a professor in the University of Kentucky’s College of Social Work. “It’s so not a reflection of their actual feelings, it’s just language that’s easily available.”
But it should be no surprise that even casual comments directing someone to take their life can help convince some victims that they should. In one high-profile case, a teen who repeatedly encouraged her boyfriend to attempt suicide was found guilty of manslaughter when he took his own life.
“When you say something like [kill yourself], it triggers people who are already at risk for thinking they don’t belong.”
Though such cases are rare, risk factors for suicide include concepts psychologists call thwarted belongingness, burdensomeness, and acquired capacity. When someone feels as though they don’t belong and that their presence requires more effort on the part of their loved ones, it can compound their suicidal feelings.
“When you say something like [kill yourself], it triggers people who are already at risk for thinking they don’t belong, or that they should be here,” says Cerel. “It can help contribute to that suicide risk.”
Acquired capacity is the idea of becoming more open to imagining death. By saying that Stodden should take a “dirt nap,” Teigen, unwittingly or not, created a mental image that could’ve haunted Stodden.
Though Stodden publicly accepted Teigen’s apology, it’s worth asking what Teigen owes the public. She may be eager to let this controversy pass. She may hope that admitting regret and acknowledging that she’s working to become a better person over time will elicit the empathy and understanding required to move forward, not to mention save her partnerships with companies like Target and PayPal. Of course, we all make mistakes, but telling a teenager to die is a grave betrayal of one’s own humanity and theirs, too.
To make amends, Teigen, who’s previously spoken about experiencing anxiety and postpartum depression, might consider mental health advocacy and suicide prevention as future causes to support, if she isn’t already. Perhaps leaving Twitter temporarily earlier this year because she couldn’t bear the daily harassment and abuse any longer clarified for Teigen the trauma that Stodden endured. While some might not take her seriously, Teigen could consider offering a glimpse into her evolution over the last decade. What has she learned about the consequences of telling another human to die that could help others, especially young people, refuse to ever utter those words to someone else?
Even if Teigen does nothing in public, Stodden deserves more than a four-part Twitter apology, and Teigen should do the work that makes real healing possible.
Teigen’s bullying must be a lasting example of what should never be said. Telling someone to die, no matter the intention, could in fact help push someone to take their own life.
If you need to talk to someone about your mental health, Crisis Text Line provides free, confidential support 24/7. Text CRISIS to 741741 to be connected to a crisis counselor. Contact the NAMI HelpLine at 1-800-950-NAMI, Monday through Friday from 10:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m. ET, or email info@nami.org.