Does Anyone Else Find Hasbro’s Groove ‘N Grow Groot Incredibly Upsetting?

The mountain of merchandise revealed at San Diego Comic-Con this year included a couple of toys we wish we could un-see. Lego’s two foot-tall brick-built Chewbacca’s beady eyes are already a staple of our nightmares, and is soon to be joined by a growing Groot Hasbro that makes the character look like he’s being stretched out on a medieval torture device.

In Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 we got to see Groot mature from a sassy teenager to a formidable member of the team: a transformation that Hasbro is trying to recreate with its new Groove ‘N Grow Groot figure. Out of the box, the figure stands 13.5-inches tall, with proportions that more closely match the sapling version of the character featured in the collection of I Am Groot animated shorts available through Disney+.

But those big eyes and gentle smile are hiding an unsettling secret. Pressing a button on Groot’s foot activates an accelerated growth process where the 13.5-inch tall figure grows to 18-inches in height in just seconds using telescoping legs and an extending torso. It’s a cute trick, but a Stretch Armstrong version of Groot that kids can yank and stretch out of shape might have been a better way to realize this effect.

As the name implies, growing isn’t Groove ‘N Grow Groot’s only talent. A built-in microphone detects sounds and Groot will shake his body and dance along to music, or will respond to other sounds with his now iconic, “I am Groot,” which is less his catch phrase and more his limited dialect.

The toy is expected to be available sometime this Summer for $85, which is kind of expensive for a figure with only a posable pair of arms—but you’re paying for the hidden motors and other electronics that power Groot’s magical transformation.

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