At 4:25 p.m. on New Year’s Eve 2020 I got a random, out of the blue FaceTime call from a friend. When my phone started ringing I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and an unflattering fuzzy gray robe. I didn’t have any makeup on, I was in the process of removing little hot dogs from the oven, and When Harry Met Sally was on pause in the living room. In other words, I did NOT feel FaceTime ready.
I know this friend extremely well, so I was confident that the FaceTime request was nothing urgent. I caught one glimpse of my unprepared self in the answering screen, thought “absolutely not,” and waited until she hung up.
My friend is both smart and persistent, so 10 minutes after I dodged her call she saw I posted an Instagram story, correctly assumed I was standing phone-in-hand, and FaceTimed me again. As my finger moved to like an Instagram post I did the unthinkable and accidentally picked up the call.
We proceeded to video chat for the next 13 minutes, showing off our New Year’s Eve appetizer feasts and catching up on our holidays. Ultimately, it was a lovely chat. But would I have found the call significantly more enjoyable if I’d agreed to it beforehand and willingly accepted some sort of invitation? Absolutely!
Call me boring. Call me old. Call me inflexible. Call me whatever you want. Just do not spontaneously call me on FaceTime and expect me to pick up.
The anxiety of spontaneous FaceTime calls
There are so few things we can control in this world, so we should at least have a say in when we video chat with others. Some reckless FaceTime fans may argue, “Oh, it’s no big deal. FaceTiming is the same as calling someone on the phone.” To that I say, “No ❤️, it really isn’t.”
Receiving an unexpected voice call is no big deal. You can seamlessly talk on the phone if you’re out in the world, multitasking at home, or lying in bed with your wet hair wrapped in a towel. No one knows what you’re doing or what you look like when you’re having a regular phone conversation, but the same can’t be said for FaceTime calls.
i refuse to answer a facetime call unless i’m told beforehand it will be happening, how am i supposed to be ready without warning?
— rose (@safetynetrose) February 4, 2021
As with other video chat platforms like Zoom and Google Hangouts, the act of socializing face-to-face with another human being requires an added level of emotional preparedness and energy. If you suffer from social anxiety like I do, video calls are not necessarily something you can just be ready for on a whim.
When you make the choice to spontaneously FaceTime someone, you’re in control. You’re ready to be camera, and you’ve made the choice to partake in this journey, but you need to remember that the person on the other end of the line has done no such thing and there’s a good chance they’re not in the same headspace as you.
Are spontaneous FaceTime calls ever OK?
If you’re a member of Gen Z or have developed a newfound appreciation for video chatting in quarantine, perhaps there’s never a bad time to receive a spontaneous FaceTime call. But personally, I can never know how an unexpected FaceTime will be received until my phone screen lights up. It all depends on my mood, my location, the caller, and whether or not I feel up to having an impromptu face-to-face conversation with that person.
Have I spontaneously FaceTimed a friend before? Sure, but only in a dire social emergency. Otherwise, if I want to FaceTime someone I’ll give them the courtesy of a warning text along the lines of “Hey are you free to FaceTime at some point today?” or “Hi! Can I FaceTime you for a few?” It’s so simple and so courteous!
I may be incredibly extroverted, but I am not extroverted enough to take a spontaneous FaceTime call with no warning.
— Winnie (@JustThatKt) February 4, 2021
I despise spontaneous FaceTime calls. You’re telling me I have to look normal, stop what I’m doing, and give my undivided attention?? Send me a letter fam
— Enrique (@TheReal_Enrique) December 17, 2020
I’ll admit: Under the right circumstances an unexpected FaceTime call can be a delightful surprise. But if you randomly video chat someone without warning you shouldn’t get your hopes up. Assume that they won’t answer, and if they don’t and you really need them to because you have big news like you just got engaged or something, text them to communicate the urgency and I’m sure they’ll reconsider.
I love to FaceTime, don’t get me wrong. It’s an intimate form of communication and a great way to keep in touch in a pandemic. I, a walking ball of anxiety, merely ask that you let me prepare for it.