"A perfectly splendid 17th-century home in the English Countryside."
“A perfectly splendid 17th-century home in the English Countryside.”

Image: mashable composite; nextlix / zillow screenshot

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As anyone who has needed a place to live can attest, not all property listings are winners. But Netflix’s recent contribution to real estate database Zillow may be the most troubling yet.

Ahead of releasing The Haunting of Bly Manor on Friday, Netflix has listed the titular residence, calling it “a perfectly splendid 17th-century home in the English Countryside.” 

That’s an obvious nod to the terrifying child in the series’ first trailer (yikes), but the rest of the property description may hide even more info about the forthcoming nightmare. 

“The Manor is currently inhabited by the remaining members of the Wingrave family and their staff, who welcome guests of all ages and backgrounds to stay as long as they’d like,” it reads, before describing an open house of complete and utter NOPE.

Home features include but are not limited to: an antique doll collection, a lake not fit for swimming, “a lively statuary” (???), a master wing that is “off limits,” and “immaculately kept grounds that float free of time.” Oh, also the property has apparently been on Zillow for “eternity.” Cool. Awesome.

The listing also includes a whole bunch of photos — some more uh…enticing than others — worth checking out if you want to have vague, real estate-centric night terrors ahead of Friday.

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 The Haunting of Bly Manor arrives Oct. 9 on Netflix. That actual Bly Manor is off market. For now.

Stop wasting time on poorly planned driving routes.