We were big fans of the Sonos Move when it was released. It took the company’s signature sound and aesthetics, but whacked them all in a portable device.
There’s a new update dropping today though : you can now get the Sonos Move in white. Specifically, lunar white. Whatever the fuck that means, because I’m pretty confident the moon is grey? But hey, I’m not Patrick Moore.
You want a picture? Of the new lunar white Sonos Move? Of course you fucking do.
So here’s one:
Thing is, Sonos, why stop there? Are you afraid? Do you think we aren’t able to handle a different design aesthetic? Do you think we’re cowards? Or… are you the cowards?
Truly, we may never know.
But what we will definitely know are some suggestions of colors and patterns you should introduce to the Sonos Move. You’re so very welcome.
Radioactive green
Perfect for parties. Vomit proof? Check — people ain’t seeing your spewed insides on this color. Also, who’d want to steal something that looked like this?
Yeah, exactly. Ideal.
Leopard print
What could be better than a leopard print Sonos Move? Whether you’re running a 1970s-inspired porn set, have a thing for cowboy hats, mullets, and meth, or are just a mom who’s single-and-ready-to-mingle, this speaker color option is the perfect fit for the person on the edge.
Pirate flag
What’s cooler than an old school, rockin’ pirate flag?
Well, a lot of things — weed, Prince, and stairs are three good examples — but I’m sure there’s a dorm filled with computer science students somewhere who’d appreciate this vibe.
The darkest, densest vantablack known to the universe
I’m talking about a shade that goes beyond mere color and turns into a presence, something that’s simultaneously devoid of, and bursting with, mass — a hue that if you could even look at it (an impossibility because even by being near to this you’d be sucked into its body and compressed down to an unimaginably small size) you’d immediately pass away due to the nature of its absolute purity, something the human body is incapable of experiencing without immediate expiration.
Yeah, having the Sonos Move in that color would be sick.
Until that day, you’ll just have to deal with the regular lunar white and whatever-the-hell-they-call-that-grey-black thing here.
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Published June 16, 2020 — 15:51 UTC