Zuck Says It’s Time to “Move On” from Fight with Musk, Blames Elon for Dodging Plans

Noooooooooooooooooo…!!! [screams into the abyss]

It appears that the entertainment opportunity of a lifetime may be evaporating before our eyes. In a turn of events that is sure to disappoint millions of people, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg seems to have called off the fight between himself and corporate competitor Elon Musk on Sunday. In a post made to Twitter-rival Threads, Zuckerberg blamed Musk’s evasiveness for the lack of progress in planning the big brawl.

“I think we can all agree Elon isn’t serious and it’s time to move on,” said Zuckerberg. “I offered a real date. Dana White offered to make this a legit competition for charity. Elon won’t confirm a date, then says he needs surgery, and now asks to do a practice round in my backyard instead. If Elon ever gets serious about a real date and official event, he knows how to reach me. Otherwise, time to move on. I’m going to focus on competing with people who take the sport seriously.”

Musk doesn’t appear to have responded publicly yet.

The idea of two insufferable Silicon Valley billionaires beating the crap out of each other for the benefit of a live audience always seemed just a little too good to be true. The fight, which seems to have been sparked by online bickering between the two tech titans, promised to be one of the weirdest and wildest public spectacles in living memory. The two had even promised to livestream the fight on both Twitter (or X, or whatever it’s called) and Facebook.

The last big update on this saga took place Friday, when Musk teased onlookers with the prospect of the fight happening in Italy, as if the upcoming battle were going to be some sort of mashup between Gladiator and Revenge of the Nerds.

Despite Zuck seemingly putting the kibosh on this thing, it’s hard to feel like this story is truly over yet. Elon seems like a pretty impulsive guy. It doesn’t seem out of the question that he could be propelled by shame to nail down details and actually make this thing happen. C’mon, Elon! Don’t let this opportunity for glorious jackassery slip through our fingers!